Thursday, July 19, 2012

Magic Step 14: Simple Simple

I will never forget this conversation.

I was a brand new student in A Course in Miracles, back in the my recovery days.

I was super excited to share my new found wisdom.

So I grabbed a friend and said "You's so cool, there are only two emotions, Love & Fear. Anything that feels good is Love, anything that feels bad is fear...How cool! It's so simple!"

My friend's face contorted like Jabba the Hut.


I yelped a vapid,"Oh..."

And went off on my own contemplating. Occasionally vomiting pea soup like the exorcist as I rewind this memory.

I am not good with debates.

I don't feel in my bones the need to win at my views.

My views are mine.

All that matters to me always is I feel good in this moment, because if I don't feel good, I suspect I know I can guarantee I will be absolutely nasty to you.

And I have been nasty and have hurt many.

I realized this from my little interaction.

My thinking is simple, therefore my life is simple, and is constantly getting simpler by the day. I gotta say my sad days are getting less and less. It's not that I don't have challenges, but I see it with I-don't-know eyes. I could see things different and started to move slowly towards something more relaxing and peaceful.

From I-don't-know are simple and brand new.

I love it when people tell me that "your life is so perfect."

(Child if you think so lol, you need medication)

It's definitely not by society's me!

But it has all that I need to figure out my truth, the good the bad the ugly.

My friend's life got increasingly complicated. Life is a constant struggle, because life to him is complicated.

We drifted apart because too him I was too simple, also stupid.

LOL, that's okay I am not everyone's style.

Maybe in this sense being a fool, or a beginner, life becomes a brand new experiment.

Maybe life can surprise me, if I have no expectations.

Maybe I can allow a new possibility, because I am too simple and stupid but willing to try something new.

A Question Tool:
Look at a present life doo-doo.

Try this new thoughts.
I don't know how my life is supposed to look like.
I don't know what this is for.
I don't know what I am supposed to do.
I am open to try something new and simple.

And wait
And feel
What is my own simple truth about this situation?
Allow brand new ideas and reflections to surface.

Pen it down. Test it out.

You do know. Your maybe paralyzed by chicken shit thinking syndrome. You may feel weak at the knees.
But you always know. You can see things with new eyes. You can move forward, really slowly.

After all, It's your own simple genius, and your own sense of rhythm.

If it feels right. It is right. It will multiply like toadstools.
If it feels ick. It is ick. It will spawn demon babies that will devour all your cookies.

My simple truth today is I need sleep.

I don't know if I will become famous.
I don't know when I will be rich.
I don't know when I m going to fall in love.

But I do know, that I love to draw and write, eventhough I suck at it.
I do know that at this moment this feels good.
I am going to write because it feels right and that is its own reward.
I am writing for me, with or without approval.

Its always simple, simple...
Keep it simple yo, for u to flow!

My Jelly Fish & Whale thinks so too.

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