I was leaking boogie and wrapped like a pig in blanket as I lay on the floor of the room.
My eyes was the definition of a Asian slit eyes, straining to pay attention to this workshop.
"This system is called Colourfool..."
I stared at the Facilitator like a lemur. His name is Cornelius Chan.
"The Fool is the spirit in search of divine experience. He represents the
mystical cleverness lacking of reason within us, that simple childlike ability
to tune into the inner workings of the world. He has the ability to tap into wisdom and exuberance,
holy madness or crazy madness or crazy wisdom..."
"You must allow yourself to explore yourself like a Fool, be open. Now represent your problem on paper..."
"Just pick a color...and follow the movement of what you feel."
It sucks being lead with a lack of instructions. How do you depict how you feel in watercolor?
So I followed the color, and placed it on paper...and did 3 circles, much like the one in the witch series, Charmed.
I used dark olive green and red.
"So...I am interested in the white space, is that filled or empty?"
"Uhhhhh....uuuh...empty...."in that instant, a tear leaked from my eyes...
OMG I AM CRYING!
"Feel that, you have to acknowledge that to let it go..."
I gasped and realized what happened and proceeded to roll around the floor of the room with deft dexterity, and a clumsy finesse.
My facilitator laughed at his strange student.
The keys to the kingdom is dead beat honesty to the self. Me and my clients consistently find that feeling is one of the toughest things to do. I HATE feeling.
Martha Beck called us the Fire Fleeers in her Steering By Starlight Book. We ran before feeling anything.
I would obsessively start cleaning my room, cook or turn on YouTube to start manically try to dance away the feeling.
I never knew how I really felt. I suspect I was so numb that if someone ate my toe, I would still be trying to look pretty and pretend that nothing happened.
Give it up folks, it does not work.
To heal is to
feel is to
acknowledge is to
understand is to
What are you feeling today?
Get in touch!
To start verbalizing how you feel, look around you and find objects, pictures and things that represent how you feel?
Can you allow yourself to feel?
Today I feel slow.