He was unique. He was a loving character, albeit at times not easy to be around. Caring but somewhat dominating, he had incredible wit.
The suddenness of the death shocked me to my marrows.
No the bones had no heart attack, but it did remind me the importance of being in the present moment, and living fully. This friend although made me uncomfortable certainly was always present, always him.
I never knew he was sick. He was just doing his best, reaching out and doing his thing.
And then he left.
Master Oogway says,
"yesterday is history,
tomorrow is a mystery,
but today is a gift.
That is why it is called the
"present.""
My first near death experience finds me crashing into a cab.
You know that life flashing by thing?
It's real.
The only thing was the first life flashing by was not happy. There were happy moments but it was drowned out by my miserable years of growing up like gollum on antidepressants.
It was depressing to know that I lived a life without meaning to me.
As you know, I am still alive, but I took the time to wean gollum of antidepressants. Began treating him to some good food, send him to the twelve steps, and study the course in miracles.
Gollum gained back some healthy weight, stopped hallucinating and speaking to refrigerators, begging for things to return his precious.
Gollum was forced to be off service to others, at first reluctant, but gradually Gollum stopped thinking about his precious.
Gollum started following things that gave him meaning.
Gollum's lizard brain gradually became normal.
Gollum yield to new health and creativity.
And then I had my second near death crash, this time seemingly out of nowhere, a car crashed into my car causing me to crash forward. The door could not open, it was inches away from causing my engine to catch fire.
This time the flashback went like...happy happy sad sad sad sad happy happy happy happy happy happy. The self work paid off.
I had a life that I was proud of. It was sweet.
Yes I survived again. This time with even greater appreciation for life.
Then I got cocky, tried to look for a life of fame, and sold my soul to the ego.
Then the 3rd death scare. I lost control over my intestines. A strange bug I caught from a Holiday. I could not pee or poo.
You get the drift.
Death is a very cool friend. Death is a mirror. Deeply honest, he shows you YOU. Every moment to moment is a death & rebirth. Parts of u are always dying, then new parts of you will begin living.
Death is bitter orange chocolate cupcake.
Bittersweet.
Bittersweet.
Bittersweet.
Honestly morbid,
Hopelessly
Joyously
Brand new.
Bitter Orange Chocolate Cupcake Reflection:
What part of you died today?
What part of you births tomorrow?
Look back to see if you have missed presents.
Look to now for life's presents.
Enjoy and keep what is sweet and live giving,
mourn for things that have passed on,
then celebrate their existence with gratitude,
honor their gifts,
then move on.
The purpose of life is to experience intense joy, Robin William's mother says.
Mamas are always right.
Go get your joy on.
My Bitter Orange Chocolate cupcake today is I am no longer who I was, that I am born anew every time I give up a murderous thought to myself.
In loving Memory of You :) Thanks for blessing me with your life.
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